I’m guilty of seemingly never being satisfied. If you asked my husband, he would tell you I’m always in search for the next best thing, for always wanting more. And patience? I don’t have much of it. At 23 years old I was baffled that my boyfriend hadn’t yet proposed. Yes, you read that correctly. Twenty three. I was a baby. But I wanted to get married right away, and after all, we had been dating since we were 14. Date after date, I came home in tears (just ask my little sister) ringless and frustrated. Eventually he came around and by 24, I was a Mrs……and what did I do three weeks later? Yep, I bought a puppy. And then I proceeded to torture the poor man for 2 years to start a family. At 27 I had my first son, at 29 I had my 2nd, at 31 I had my third, and at just a smidge past 34, I’ll be having my 4th. And for the record, my husband wasn’t against all of these things, he just needed a little convincing 😉
These were all of the things I knew I always wanted.
But I still remember the days (albeit vaguely) that I wished for all the things I have now. I envisioned myself with a flock of children in tow. Smiles. Giggles. Laughter galore. The dream made it all look easy-peasy.
But in reality, it’s not always pretty. There are times when the fighting, the tears, the tantrums, the behavior, the MESSES are just Out. Of. Control. There are times where I wish my kids would just occupy themselves so I can “get things done”. Why do they ALWAYS need things? There are times when my patience is gone, my stress levels are high, and yet there is the expectation for us as parents to dig deep and give, give, give….. and give some more.
But it dawned on me recently, that right now, in this moment in time, my husband and I are at the top of their list of wants. They want our attention. Our snuggles. Our smiles. Our approval. Our love. And before we know it, they are going to start to want other things that don’t involve us (some one please save me from the teenage years!). Our “now” is a pretty special thing. Yes, it’s physically exhausting tending to so many little beings. Beings who are pretty much completely dependent on us to care for them and to teach them how to do things for themselves. But every night when they are sleeping, I know exactly where they are. I know exactly what they ate, who they played with, what they wore, the location of every single boo boo. I know everything that made them happy, I know everything that made them cry…. and most of all, I know that right now, they love my husband and I the most. And knowing that, is a good reminder for all of us (myself included) to make sure that they know the feeling is mutual.
So am I finally satisfied?
I am SO grateful for now. I couldn’t ask for anything more.
Okay maybe just a bigger car, but it’s purely out of a space issue;).
(insert husband eye roll)