Baby stirs. I open one eye, hold my breathe, and pray he is just repositioning. Silence… Close my eye, breathing resumes, and drift back to sleep.

Baby whimpers. Both eyes shoot open. My hand clumsily roots around my nightstand searching for my iPhone. I grasp it and before I push that little button, I place my bet… “Come on give me a big number! Big money, now! Come on baby give me a good one!” I press the button and clock reads 1:33…… which means….. I got a THREE!!! Woo hoo! A solid three hour stretch of sleep. Ok baby, you did good. I will feed you now, you little champion sleeper you.

But, honestly,  infant sleep is just as arbitrary as roulette. I am convinced it is based on pure luck. Sometimes we get a TWO and mommy is not very happy. We know baby can do better than that so we stick the paci in 77 times until we have been re-paci-ing for an hour and cave in and nurse. In the extremely rare event that we get a FOUR (!!!!!), mommy is so excited and rejuvenated that I actually sit up to nurse (as opposed to laying on my side, drooling, trying to catch a cat nap while the little one has his midnight snack) and throw in a diaper change whether he needs it or not, just for good measure.

We are four weeks old now. Placing my bets on some 4s and crossing my fingers for a 5 (pretty please, baby, pretty please!) In the meantime, the afternoon latte habit shall continue.