To my ex love,
I know you are leaving me for another woman. Is she younger? Less experienced? Maybe her husband works longer hours than mine? Yes, that must be it. I bet she is just desperate and needs you more than I do. I’m sorry. I am trying my best not to be jealous or spiteful. The truth is, I should be thanking you. You gave me a piece of myself back every single day. Well, most days. On the days that you did not show up, I was angry. Sometimes I even shed a tear, but I knew you would be back the next day and it would be better than ever. Sometimes you were worth the wait. When you came to my house, you revitalized me. You gave me the chance to block out boogers and band aids and reminded me that I no longer needed to talk in the 3rd person. You made me feel like an adult again. I needed you and depended on you. But recently, I had this awful feeling that things were not right and that you were going to leave me. I knew from the start that this would not last forever, but it doesn’t make saying goodbye to you any easier. It has come to the point where I can’t fight you anymore. As much as I want to ignore the signs, I know that you have overstayed your welcome. I have accepted this and am ready to move on. Maybe I won’t be as rejuvenated in the afternoons, but I will make do. Before you go, Mr. Nap Fairy, I want you to know that I loved you. Now go on. Go answer the prayers of some other stressed out mommy. But seriously, if you ever want to drop in for a quickie, you know I will always be game.
P.S. If Mr. Quiet Time Fairy is in your little network, send him my number.