I have 2 hours and 45 mins, 2 times days per week with just one kid while my other two are at school. What is a girl to do for 2 hours and 45 minutes while my kids are in school and my infant naps? The smart moms go home, put their pjs back on, enjoy an uninterrupted cup of coffee and watch last night’s episode of Parenthood (best.show.ever) that they missed because they chase kids all day and are asleep by 8:45. Not me though. Because I’m crazy I hit the trail and subject myself to running 6 miles pushing a 22lb double jogger with a 17lb butterball baby in one seat and a diaper bag that also weighs as much as a small child in the other seat…. it’s called half-marathon-training-mom-style.

In order to distract myself from the pain I am experiencing, I use this time to people watch. There are several types of people I come across on my trail run. 90% of those people ‘get it’ and adhere to appropriate trail etiquette. They are there to run or walk; they keep to the right and pass on the left. The other 10% are something else. These people make me wonder, “What would Emily Post do?” because when it comes to trail etiquette, if there is such a thing, I have a feeling she would have something to say. And because I receive so many compliments on my artwork I decided to draw you some pictures to illustrate this debacle. Here they are in order of ascending nuisance-ness:

The Lovebirds:Awh, aren’t they cute? So cute. But it’s like being behind someone driving 25mph when the speed limit is 55. Trail accident waiting to happen.

The Lulus:Ok, so I may or may not fall into this category, but the lulu’s up the ante when it comes to trail running fashion. God forbid I roll out of bed and go for a run in the sweat pants I slept in. Murphy’s Law says I will pass an old friend from high school who I haven’t seen in years all lulu-ed out (with make up on)… and that’s whats annoying… now I have to plan my outfits just to go for a run.

The Drama Queens:

Okay, I am all for catching up with your girlfriends, but its the grandiose hand/arm motions in an omg-moment on a narrow trail that just don’t work. If you’re not careful you might get a diamond implanted in your cheek when passing. (and then you’ll be paying a visit to her husband, the plastic surgeon…)

The Therapists:Do I really need to explain this one? Save it for the wine bar, sistas. I already have TMI in the 10 seconds it took me to pass you.

The Perfect Stranger:From a distance you make eye contact. They smile big. You smile back. They smile bigger and wave frantically. Oh, maybe you know this person? You check either side of yourself to make sure they aren’t waving at someone behind you. Nope. They are waving at you. They shout a big friendly ‘hello’ and you respond with equal enthusiasm so as not to appear rude. Is this person just friendly or did they mistake you for someone else. Most likely the latter – I don’t live in the south.

The Overachievers:This is the moms, and dogs, and babies bunch. It is hard enough to just walk with babies let alone adding dogs into the mix. Trust me, I have been this person before (which is why my dog currently lives with my mom, but that’s a story for another day…). This crew takes up the entire trail and then some. The only thing worse than trying to maneuver around a crew of overachievers is trying to maneuver around TWO groups of overachievers crossing paths. It’s a tangly mess…. and if my hand didn’t hurt so bad from drawing tiny stick people with a touch pad I would illustrate this for you, but for now just use your imagination.

Now I know I am not perfect. I have been all of these people at some point in my life. And now, I take up my fair portion of the trail with this:

…and I blast Katy Perry from my phone without using headphones which might be annoying to some people?? But, still, I can’t help but wonder what good ole EP would think.

**Disclaimer: If I know you and see you on “the trail”, just know that none of these are about you 😉