Thinking about signing up for a Mommy and Me Class this fall? Here are some of the moms you are likely to meet. At some point or another I’ve been all of these moms……..well, most of them.
1. The Nervous Nelly – This mom doesn’t let her kid get more than 2 paces away from her. You might start a conversation with her but then she is off…waddling behind her child, hands cupping her child’s bum like a human safety net. As she scanters off you notice she is really in shape…. then you realize that if you, too, mimicked every step your toddler took each day, you’d be pretty trim as well.
2. The Photo Freak– This mom watches her child strictly through the camera lens. I mean, seriously, what is she going to do with 87 pictures of her child entering the tunnel, going through the tunnel, running around the tunnel, entering the tunnel again, backing out of the tunnel, picking her nose…. Unless she is making a stop-motion film, put the camera down and watch your kid in real time.
3. The Venn Diagram – This mom is constantly comparing and contrasting her child with yours. “I can’t believe Gracie can already crawl backwards I mean Lucy has been crawling for approximately 13 days now and she isn’t showing any signs of going in reverse but omigod she has been sleeping like 11 hours and night and 83 minutes during the day and I swear it is because she is moving around more so your Gracie must be sleeping a ton, right, since she is so mobile and getting herself totally wiped out…”
4. The I-Can’t-Sit-On-the Ground-to-Actually-Play-with-My-Kid-Because-My-Outfit-Is-Too-Fancy- Listen, lady. Everyone gives yoga pants a bad rap, but this is one place you are supposed to wear them. Look around you – observe and conform.
5. The Digit Hound– This is the mom who signed her kid up for class so she could make some friends. She skirts around you nervously, she states obvious commonalities like,”Oh look, honey! This boy is the same age as you! What a coincidence?!”…. (Yes, this would be the 12-18month old class….), then she goes in for the kill – asks you for your number and if you want to meet at the park for a playdate next week. The really serious ones might even whip out their mommy-business-card.
6. The I’d-Rather-Be-At-a-Wine-Bar – This is the mom who signed up for class with her friends so they can gossip while the kids participate in the class. They have no clue what their children are doing (they have Nervous Nelly to worry about that), but they do know who got into which preschool, what yoga class the other one is obsessed with, and which neighbor is rumored to be splitting up.
7. The Elusive Hypochondriac– This is the mom you have probably never met because a) her child “has a runny nose” and she can’t leave the house or b) she noticed that Johnny from the class had a runny nose last week and is worried there still may be something going around.
So moms, which “Mommy and Me” Mom are you??