The one question people ask you in your twenties…..
“So…. are you going to get engaged soon?”
The one question people ask you in your late twenties…
“So…. are you going to have kids soon?”
The one question people ask you after you’ve had one or two kids….
“So…. are you done having kids????”
Yes! and YES! Were my confident, adamant answer to those first two questions. But the third one???
I have no freaking idea.
So how do you know when your family is complete?? Some people just know. They know how many kids they’ve always wanted. If they are fortunate enough to have kids, they have them, and know when their family is complete.
But me. No clue.
Am I perfectly happy with my family of five? Yes. Could I picture one more? Well, sort of.
And to be honest with you, I have nooooo business having another child right now. I am in over my head. My children are insane and drive me insane 80 percent of the day. I haven’t exercised in a month, I haven’t seen the bottom of my laundry room floor in three months, I am scared to put my hair in a pony tail because the grays are multiplying by the day (totally my littlest one’s fault), I spend at least 37 minutes of each day on my hands and knees picking up food, I release a dramatic “Oh God” at least 3 times per hour followed by a heavy sigh, eating the crust of my kid’s peanut butter and jelly has become an acceptable lunch, and sleep……? I’m gonna call 5 consecutive hours a win. But with all of this craziness, it doesn’t mean I’m ready to send my hubby to the doc and gift him a bag of frozen peas for Christmas….
When I look ahead 20 years from now, I think to myself, “How many people do I want around my dinner table?” The answer is simple:
Maybe its greed, or maybe its the fact that I’m from a big family and don’t know what to do with myself when it’s too quiet. But that sign you are supposed to get when your family is complete, well, it hasn’t jumped out at me quite yet. If you ask my mom she would say everything mentioned in that list above is a sign. But she had 5 kids so her opinion is automatically disqualified.
So let me break it down for you in terms of having kids and associated levels of anxiety.
When you have your first kid:
Holy crapoly you feel like you’ve just been annihilated.
When you have your second kid:
Holy crapoly….. wait a minute, I think I actually know what I am doing! But… oh wait, where is that first child…. Oh no, panic……. Okay, yes totally annihilated, yet again.
When you have your third kid:
Ahh there we go. Can’t stop me now! I can cook dinner, change diapers, nurse a baby, and check instagram all at the same time, baby. Juggling act = accomplished. Yeah there is some “ish“, but you know now that things don’t have to look perfect to be perfect for you.
So what’s one more, right?
Some people would argue that its quality over quantity. And to that I agree. You can’t be in more than one place at one time. There are only so many hours in one day. And how many of those hours are you willing to dedicate to your kids? All valid points. But coming from a big family, I know that what you lack in individualized attention from your parents, you gain in a sibling. And by no means did I ever feel slighted by my parents. In fact, my mom had the gift of making each of us feel like an only child…. a serious feat. And there is always enough love to go around. It’s exponential, not dividable. Especially when you see them playing together, or laughing together, or, heck, even beating the crap out of each other (just shows they care enough to duke it out). Think about it, you don’t fight with someone that you aren’t close to, do you? Ok, that might be a stretch, but you get my point.
I wish I had some profound answer for you all. Maybe some of you just know when your family is complete. But maybe some of you are like me and are all wishy-washy.
It goes something like this:
Kids are playing nicely together…..“Ohh! I so want one more baby!”
Kids have thrown toys all over the house and covered the walls in blue marker…. “That’s it! No more kids!”
Kid kisses you on the cheek 10 times in a row….. “Ohh! I so want one more baby!”
Kid throws his entire dinner on the floor… “That’s it! No more kids!!”
Kid gets off the bus, runs to you, and jumps in your arms… “Ohh!! I so want one more baby!”
Credit card bill comes in the mail…. “That’s it! No more kids!!”
You see a pregnant lady…. “Ohh! I so want one more baby!!” (baby bump envy is a real thing, people)
Kid wakes you up in the middle of the night. Every night. At 4am….. “That’s it! No more kids!”
Yeah. So I don’t really have the answer. I do know, however, that these things are trivial enough to not really be taken seriously. In other words, I would not have another child because my credit card bill didn’t makes us cringe enough (is that even a real thing??) and likewise would not NOT have another child because it did.
So while I bask in my trivial, indecisive state, I’ll leave you with this:
Yesterday when I was changing the sheets on the top bunk, I hit my head and thought to myself, “Thank GOD I’m not pregnant and doing this.”
So maybe that‘s a sign….
Or maybe it’s not.
After all, my 5 year old (excuse me, 5 and 3/4 year old) is getting old enough to change his own sheets, right?
So what do you all think? Did you know when your family was complete or are you still waiting for a sign? I’d love to hear what you have to say!