These are the days.

January 18, 2015

these are the days

Last month my husband spent a day working from home…. and we all know how that goes… “Is he working?”, “Is he not working?”, “Can I ask him to help with the kids?”, “How quiet do we have to be?”, “Can I run to the grocery store ALONE while the kids are napping?”…. all questions that we are pretty uncertain of as we attempt to go about our day as normally as possible pretending that he isn’t really there. Until, that is, he asks, “What’s for lunch?”,  but I digress. And at the end of the day when he officially emerged from his office indicating that his work day was complete, he bestowed upon me his observation: “Wow. You have the BEST days. I wish I could hang with the kids all day.”



Yada…….(insert eye roll)

Then he pressed on, questioning my typical frazzled state when he walks in the door at night.

BS. Right?

He saw ONE day. And it was a day that the kids were actually pretty good. I swear my days are not usually like that. And they were probably being good because they knew daddy was around and wanted to make me look bad. Damn kids.

But his comment got me thinking. Is my daily life really as hard as I make it out to be? If I’m being completely honest, it is getting little easier. And I’m using easy as a relative term – like if you ran a marathon and then for your next race decided JUST to run a half marathon kind-of-easier.

I have one child in school all day long, another child in school three mornings per week, and the little guys is all mine all of the time. If I break it down there are about 2 hours and 20 minutes of my day that are marathon hard: The 20 minutes in the morning as I am trying to rush everyone out the door, and the 2 hours at night when I have to make dinner, feed dinner, clean up dinner, do homework, break up about 13 fights, bathe the kids, clean up the monsoon that occurred in the bathroom, attempt to do homework again because likely the first attempt was a flop, get the kids ready for bed, read books, tuck the kids in, honor 6 silly requests as my kids try to stall their bedtime to me finally turning out the light and flopping on the couch…..with a few audible sighs. And wine. Obviously. And it is at that moment when my husband typically enters from work (is my frazzled state making a little more sense now?) But the middle portion of my day is just half marathon hard…. going to and from activities, play dates, errands… you know, the fun stuff. Except going to the grocery store with a 20 month old. Not fun.

these are the days

I anticipate that it will continue to get even easier (in terms of being so depended upon) as my kids get a little older. The other day I was out with just my oldest son. We walked to the car. I opened my door; he opened his. We buckled ourselves and off we went. Do you realize how HUGE that is? No I don’t think you understand. I went straight to the driver side door and got in. I did not perform acrobatic moves trying to reach over the second row to buckle a child in the third. I did not have to tickle torture a straight bodied toddler who is trying to boycott the rear-facing carseat so that his legs would give out and I could get the buckle around his waist. I got in the car and went. If your child is able to do this now, take a moment and  And I couldn’t help but think that this was a preview of what my life is going to become very soon. It was liberating. With a capital L.

But it’s too soon.

And since we are being all honest here, this is what freaks me out the most. What in the world will I do? I wrote post not long ago questioning how we know when our family is complete? I struggle with this because I am really afraid of what my life with look like without a baby in it. I’m afraid of not having a squishy body to hold. I’m afraid of not being needed. I’m afraid of not having an excuse for being so tired or not having an excuse for always being so late.  I’m afraid of dancing and having my kids be utterly embarrassed instead of thinking I am absolutely hilarious. I’m afraid for the day that Gatorade and gum aren’t the coolest treats ever. I’m afraid of having a conversation with another adult without being interrupted and further I’m afraid of having conversation that revolves around something other than sleep schedules, feedings, tantrums, and how tired we are. Do I even know how to converse anymore? Heck, I’m even afraid of the thought of going in the bathroom alone… because that would mean they are okay with me being out of their sight for more than a few seconds. I’m afraid of dealing with problems that a kiss, a bandaid or a timeout can’t fix. But most of all, I think, I’m afraid of the day that my littlest one can buckle himself…..

And then what?

And then it’s just a rat race to the day that I am the one in the supermarket telling the young mom in line with three kids whining and climbing all over her that she needs to enjoy it because goes by so fast.

If these are “the days”, then I’m not sure I’ll ever be ready for them to be over. I’m not sure I’m ready for “easier”….cause besides the seatbelt thing, who knows if the next stage really is easier? You know what they say, “Little people have little problems; big people have big problems.”

So…..Can you blame me?

(And for the record, I guess that means my husband was right….)


  • Natalie
    January 18, 2015 at 10:38 am

    What a great post and timely. I think about this all the time and have similar feelings 🙂 I’m already in an easier stage with the kids where it’s like whoa! She can do that herself now! But then I get sad about it. I understand your feelings! I’m having another bc I’m not ready to be done yet!

  • Dutchy
    January 18, 2015 at 4:17 pm

    Feeling like this is a sign…. Or not

  • Carrie MkgLemonade
    January 19, 2015 at 8:37 am

    For better or for worse, when my husband works from home and I try to take advantage by leaving my son at home while I pick up my daughter from school, my son inevitably throws a tantrum in the 10 minutes I’m gone and I get a text from my husband saying, “How do you DO this?”

    So maybe try that, ha!

    Doesn’t it make you wonder what we’ll do all day once they’re all in school AT THE SAME TIME? I’m sure it will be hard because we’ll get used to that new normal, but still, I have a feeling 6 hours will feel like an eternity. And then we’ll miss them, and weep over seeing little babies in the grocery store. But at least I’ll be showered. 🙂

  • Melissa
    January 19, 2015 at 8:44 am

    Time really does fly and I am now looking a colleges with my oldest. I wish I could go back in time to that toddler stage because I know I will not have to let go of them soon..sniff, sniff…

  • Denise Wright
    January 19, 2015 at 9:14 am

    I loved this….even though my son is 10 and pretty self sufficient, my in laws live with us my MIL has dementia and my FIL doesn’t handle it well. So essentially it is like having toddlers some days. And my husband doesn’t really get it unless he is home for a few days in a row (like over Christmas). So I get that part.
    Today my son is off school and this made me want to spend the whole day with him (no playdates, no iPads or computers) ….just time for the two of us. Thanks!

  • Barb @ A Life in Balance
    January 19, 2015 at 11:19 am

    They will always need us. My dd8 just had the flu in a pretty bad way. Mom was the one she wanted when she got up in the night to throw up. Only I could rub her back in the right way.

  • Noelle (@singerinkitchen)
    January 19, 2015 at 12:55 pm

    My hubby was at home for more than a month for the Christmas holidays and I think I finally heard him say, ” Now I know how you don’t have breakfast!” It does not become a reality until they are in it. What a thoughtful post!

  • Marci
    January 19, 2015 at 8:16 pm

    Such a great and honest post. Whenever I hear the Natalie Merchant song These are Days it makes me cry-same message.

  • Liza | @aMusingFoodie
    January 20, 2015 at 5:40 am

    So…in our house the roles are reversed. I go to work everyday, and occasionally (a few times a month) work from home.

    I may not be *quite* as empathetic now that both kids are in elementary school (it’s way easier). However, I find myself coming home from work, and also taking care of dinner (my choice; I love to cook), working on laundry, unloading the dishwasher and bedtime too. Still pitching in; understanding the heavy at-home work load.

    What’s the difference? How can working moms still “get it,” while it seems like many working dads don’t?

  • reesa lewandowski
    January 20, 2015 at 8:23 am

    It isn’t easy at all. That Natalie Merchant song makes me bawl too. XO

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