I fell asleep with the baby last night and now my shirt is soaked with pee because his diaper leaked and when I stumbled out of his bed to get new sheets I slipped on a toy car and yelped which woke up the other kids and I could tell it was going to be one of those days.

At breakfast I made pancakes with strawberries but that was the WRONG choice. They wanted cereal with no strawberries. Just marshmallows. One with a little milk, one with a lot of milk, and one with no milk and one with fork not a spoon.

In the car on the way to school they were all screaming at each other and poking and proding and teasing. I said I had had enough. I said the iPads were going in the trash. I said, If I hear one more BLEEPING not-nice word out of one of their mouths there would be no tv for a week. No one even listened.

I could tell it was going to be one of those days because my oldest said I wasn’t his favorite mommy anymore. He said that first was Aunt Liz because she gave birth to cousin Luke who is the coolest being in all of the land and next was Johnny’s mom because she ALWAYS lets him have Gatorade and that I was only his third favorite mommy.

I hope you step on a LEGO, I thought to him. I hope the next time you build a ginormous lego castle that took you hours and hours and hours to build that your monster of a little brother rips each and every part into separate little pieces.

I didn’t pack the right lunch – again. Brad had fruit snacks with gooey jelly stuff in the inside and Brian’s mom gave him a vanilla cupcake with little sprinkles on the top and all my kid got was smushed grapes and it was “so embarrassing….gosh!”

It was definitely turning out to be one of those days.

That’s what it was, because after school I took all the kids to a sporting goods store to get a birthday present for a party that we had in 45 minutes. My little one ripped open a baseball toy which I subsequently had to buy, then he knocked over a bin of basketballs, then licked the top of a water bottle that was on display on the wall which I’m not 100% sure anyone else saw him do but I wasn’t buying that too and while I was paying he ran to the corner of the store and he made the face, the poop face, and I knew I only had 2 wipes in my bag, and I could not get out of there fast enough but apparently it was too fast because it the mist of it all my middle one stole a pair of sunglasses because I said I wouldn’t buy them and for some reason unbeknownst to me simply taking them made complete sense him. No worries, said the store clerk when I embarrassedly returned them. See you next time.

Next time? NEXT time there won’t BE a next time, I thought.

While I was getting the kids back into the car I banged my head on the roof while trying to remove my less-than-limber body from the third row to help my kid buckle his seatbelt because it was “stupid, toooo TIIIIIGHT, not WORKING!!!!!!” I almost started crying which of course made the kids concerned  *a glimmer of hope * but all I could say was, KIDS! We are having one of those days. A terrible. Horrible. No Good. Very. (*undermybreath* BLEEPING. FREAKING.) Bad. Day. Just like your friend, Alexander. 

No one even answered.

So then on the way to the party we picked up two of my son’s friends and they decided to tell each other all of the bad things about their parents. Hello kids! I am sitting right here. I can hear you, I thought to myself. One time my mom got pulled over by the police, said one of the boys. Well, my mom got pulled over TWO times by the police, said the other boy. Well. MY mom, on the way to our trip to North Carolina screamed, ‘KIDS! What the heck is wrong with you? I don’t want to hear another F-ing word the entire way home!’ chimed in my own son. And now I am sure I will be shunned from carpools. But do you know what happened in my car on the way to North Carolina because I don’t think you do? It started with a blow out diaper through the pants onto the carseat with nothing to fix the situation but a pack of wipes and half a bottle of expired hand sanitizer, followed by a toddler who cried LOUDLY for 53 minutes straight and once he fell asleep was promptly awoken by his older brother who started uncontrollably screaming. Why was he uncontrollably screaming you ask? Oh, well. Because his foot tickled. His foot… TICKLED????!!!!! BAH!! And how much time did we have to go? Oh, about 5 hours and 47 minutes. Yes, the words that flew out of my mouth make me look like a bad parent but at that time They. Were. My. Only. Option.

Anyway, now those kids (and their parents) probably think I am the worst.

It was definitely turning out to be one of those days.

My kids hated everything I made for dinner. I hate when that happens.

My middle one spilled his entire plate on the floor. I hate spilling.

I got completely soaked when I gave them a bath, I only had enough shampoo left for one kid, and I had to settle World War III about who got to sit in the front of the tub closest to the water. My middle’s favorite pajamas were in the laundry. I hate when things are in the laundry.

When I put them to bed I had to play referee about who got the top bunk, who got to sit on my left side which is apparently the good side, retrieve a glass of water in the blue, not red cup, answer 17 stalling questions about life, the afterlife, and how old will I be when my oldest is 57, 32, and 99. I am not good at math. And I’m tired. And now the little is crying. He wants to sleep in my bed. And I just realized that my shirt is on inside out. The one I wore all day.

It was just one of those days.

My husband says some days are like that.

And so we went to kiss the kids goodnight and…..

….just like that. WOOSH. My day was, um, well, I guess it wasn’t soooo bad. It was sorta fun now that I think back on it. Ok to be quite honest it was…… perfect. Everything I’ve always hoped for. One of those days. Because sometimes “these days” are those days. And would we have it any other way?

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