My mom has always said, “Pregnancy is not a handicapped”. She was pregnant 5 times, so I suppose there is some truth to her statement. But being super pregnant, there are definitely certain things I can’t do – like carry my 35lb toddler, like walk up the stairs without being embarrassingly winded, like find any sort of moderately comfortable sitting position. But why focus on the can’t-do’s? Here’s a list of things that pregnant women are REALLY good at by the end of their pregnancy because it’s all about staying positive right….
Pregnant women are really good at….
……making 7 different outfits out of the one pair of jeans that actually still fits.
……side rolling out of bed. And off the couch. And out of the car.
……contemplating shaving your legs. And leaving it at contemplation.
……grunting “oh man” following all meneal tasks, like bending, standing, sitting, reaching, and sometimes even breathing.
…..knowing the approximate size of all fruits and vegetables in relation to the baby in utero.
……three words: inner shoelace bows.
……seeking out things to perch on to avoid standing.
……justifying half loaves of Jewish apple bread consumed in one sitting.
…..knowing the location of every public bathroom in a 10 mile radius.
…..bribing your kids to pull off your socks.
…..bribing your kids to just sit and snuggle with you instead of any sort of activity that requires standing.
……and speaking of…..fantasizing about wine.
……making your response: “Due in 2 weeks. Feeling good. Don’t know what I’m having. Don’t know what I’m naming the baby” seem less robotic and redundant than it feels.
…..listening (a.k.a smiling and nodding) to OPLDS (other people’s labor and delivery stories).
…….resisting the urge to burn all of your maternity clothes.
…… sustaining your wishes of ill-will on people who overestimate the length of time left in your pregnancy. “You have like 3 weeks left right?” No. ACTUALLY, I have 2 weeks and 4 days left, BUDDY! And don’t forget it….
………accepting the fact that eye contact from others now occurs a foot and half below your actual eyeballs. Your new set of eyes (or should I say “eye” is the one popping out from the center of your stomach).
………googling labor symptoms, swearing they are experiencing them, waiting 30 minutes for the next “symptom” to come, realize it’s not, cursing the computer, then feverishly resorting to googling things like “labor induction methods that ACTUALLY work”.
….turning to the side, placing your hands gracefully around your bump, staring lovingly at your growing baby…..
and pretending that you are in pregnancy bliss, but really? You’re over it.
You’re ready .
And with that I leave you….some final maternity photographs. Because this is it…..
Pregnancy is a miracle. The human body is….incredible. But we are ready.
Pregnant? What things are you/were you really good at? Spill it!
Photography by Alison Cornell