I hope that when people visit my site or my social channels, it serves as a mini escape. I keep it light, I share things that make me happy, and as a result, you see lots of smiling, happy photos. I am going go out a limb and say that most of social media operates the same way. It’s the highlight reel of our lives. But when it comes down to it, we are all human. Nothing is as perfect as it seems. I am so grateful for the beautiful life I have, but no one is invincible. I am sharing this post as a reminder that people don’t generally post photos of their kids screaming or not listening or fighting (ok that’s always for me), or when they are stressed out, or sick, or when they haven’t showered in 36 hours and have giant bags under their eyes or when everything is seemingly ok, but deep down something is just not right. Just because we don’t post these things, doesn’t mean that it’s not happening.
Four little syllables have rocked my summer – an.xi.e.ty. This is something I have never dealt with before in my life and boom – out of nowhere I felt like my life was being taken over by intense feelings of panic, doom, and fear. I debated whether or not to share this here and have been writing this post over and over in my head. But obviously I decided to write it and and here is why – one of the biggest thing that helped me overcome anxiety was talking to people. Turns out a lot of people have anxiety. Like A LOT. Women, men, kids, young, old and everywhere in between. I hope by telling my story it helps anyone who is experiencing anxiety to feel less alone, more normal, and opens a conversation about the importance of talking about mental health.
First a little backstory about my personality…..
I have always been a very relaxed, chill, go-with the flow type of person. Once I had kids, normal “mom anxiety” kicked in. Now when I look at an ocean I see beauty, but I also see danger. Road trips = the worst. Why are there so many insane drivers? Don’t even get me started on airplanes. I used to think they were kind of fun – now I dread them weeks in advance. Sending my kids to school everyday – yes, today, that is a very scary thing. It’s not to the point where I keep myself and my family from doing these things, it’s just at first I fear it, then I tell myself I can’t live in fear, then we do it, enjoy it, and later I am grateful that it all worked out ok for us. But a lot of the time I feel like I am playing the odds.
In April, I was reminded about the fragility of life. One of my dear friends passed away suddenly and it rocked myself and my entire community to the core. In many ways we led parallel lives – we both have four kids exactly the same ages, shared the same babysitter, had kids in the same activities, we carpooled for everything and many times we were late because we would get caught up in conversations picking up each other’s kids about god knows what… probably the crazy life we both had raising 4 littles… and then she was gone.
The days and weeks after her passing are sort of a blur, but I remember feelings of guilt that I was still alive and able to see her kids, and then panic… I convinced myself that I was next. That is how life works – one second you can be here and the next second…. it’s hard to even write. But the reality is, there is a fine line between life and death and when I looked at my four kids…..it’s just impossible to put the pain into words.
I started having these intense episodes where I would get dizzy, my heart would race, I would get short of breathe, my arms would go numb, my neck would stiffen, my finger tips would tingle and I had no idea if I was having a heart attack or a panic attack or some underlying medical condition that was undiagnosed. This happened almost every day at varying intensities for a few weeks – I could be sipping morning coffee and boom, anxiety attack. Or was it something else? Watching my son play baseball, pushing my kids on the swings, writing a blog post, and out of no where I would experience these debilitating episodes.
So what did I do about it?
At first I tried meditation apps to calm myself down, then CBD oil and anti-stress supplements, drinking wine at night. Then I got not one, but two EKGs, two physicals from 2 different doctors, 2 rounds of blood work, a blood clot test and a chest x-ray and even though I was given a clean bill of health, still… I kept thinking something was wrong with me.
So then I decided I needed to open up about this. I told my family and friends and even people I didn’t know very well about what I was experiencing. I just talked about it. And almost every time I talked about it, I learned that that person had experienced anxiety in some form at some point. Hearing about their experiences calmed me and reassured me that this wasn’t going to be “the new me”. Maybe my mind was doing such crazy things that it was, in fact, causing my body to react in this way?
And the thing about having anxiety is that you start fearing having anxiety. In the past when my friends made plans for dinner I was without a doubt totally in. But recently I found myself hesitating and thinking to myself, “What if I have an anxiety attack during the dinner?” I started fearing going places because I was unsure of what I would experience. I was scared to work out, scared to be my myself, and scared to go to places that I had anxiety in the past. I found myself being distant to my kids. It was hard for me to truly engage because this fear of anxiety was always in the back of my head.
This went on for almost a month. May was rough. I tried to convinced myself that what I was experiencing was, in fact, anxiety and not some other medical condition. Although if we are being completely honest, I am not sure I will ever fully believe that. When I became such a hypochondriac, I will never know. I decided I needed to do something about my mental health.
I booked an appointment with a psychiatrist. I had to wait three weeks. Yeah, that was not fun.
Finally it was the day of my appointment. I told the doctor my life history, my current condition and she said my case was pretty cut and dry. She likened my situation to one where I am walking outside with my kids on a beautiful day and they are skipping ahead. I am tip-toeing behind them with an umbrella, waiting for the rain. We needed to get rid of that umbrella.
My doctor said I had a form of PTSD that was manifesting as anxiety. Ok great. How do we fix this? If I have a headache, I take Tylenol. If my kids have an ear infection, I would put them on antibiotics, if my mind wasn’t functioning the way it normally does, I would want medicine to help. I know everyone might not agree with this, but I learned enough about anxiety in the past few months that if left untreated (without therapy and/or medication) it can turn into depression. I left the office with some calming techniques, a reassurance that there is a strong mind/body connection and my symptoms were due to anxiety, and a low dose prescription to help bring my serotonin levels back up.
The thing about anxiety medication is that they don’t work right away. In the meantime, I leaned on friends and family, I used self-talk, I started exercising again (but made my husband run with me) and now in July, I can say I feel so much better. Maybe not 100% – some days I have moments, but I feel so much more like myself.
I will say, that I am forever changed, and maybe anxiety is something I will have to deal with for the rest of my life. I’m not really sure. But I do know that talking about it and acknowledging it is the first step to managing it.
Nina
August 9, 2019 at 10:43 amThank you for sharing such a personal story. There are people close to me who have anxiety and your honest writing about what it feels like helps me to empathize and understand what they are going through.
Jennifer
August 9, 2019 at 1:29 pmThank you for sharing and taking a chance on being “real”. Anxiety about anxiety is real. PTSD is real.
Anne
August 9, 2019 at 1:32 pmGreat post! Thank you for your candidness and honesty. A lot of days I feel guilty for NOT being more happy or being in the moment because of stress and anxiety. I mean, I have 5 beautiful, smart, healthy children. I am (for the most part) healthy. We have a roof over our heads and food in our stomachs. Yet, some days…..it’s just all too much. Overwhelming. The blessings can be overwhelming. And then there’s the money. There’s never enough of that- especially with 5 kids and one income. I am a worrier by nature but it has gotten worse with every additional child. Like you mentioned, things that were once exciting and fun pre-kids are now DANGER and stress! Some days I wonder what kind of world I have brought these kids into!
I do think it’s important for us moms to stick together, open up with one-another and just be honest. Kudos to you for doing just that. You are definitely NOT alone!!!
Heather Bise
August 9, 2019 at 1:43 pmThank you for sharing this! Becoming a mom definitely started all of my irrational worries and talking to friends about it definitely helps.
leslie
August 9, 2019 at 1:46 pmALL OF THIS LINDS! ‘You are not alone’ is so cliche – but you’re dead on – just chatting about it with people is truly the best cure. Thank you for sharing the exact same feelings that so many of us feel. Dude I seriously can’t even begin to tell you how much I relate to the beautiful ocean view = death trap. All of that and being a sister, friend, wife, mom, entrepreneur, aunt, cousin, daughter… it’s just F-ing hard. <3 you're the bomb.
SL
August 9, 2019 at 1:48 pmIt is so important to share stories like this. I had a panic attack after the crisis of a very severe emergency c-section with my second child. The symptoms of the panic attack were just like you described…numbness and tingling. I was certain I was going to leave my kids and husband alone on this earth within the hour and that my babies would never know their mother. Since then I experienced periods of anxiety. I had counselling and that worked for awhile. Then, when I was able to let go of the stigma I felt about taking medication, I had my doctor prescribe something and I’ve never looked back. That was 13 years ago. The most important thing I remember the counselor telling me was that anxiety that isn’t properly dealt with can lead to devastating mental health issues, as the illness grows without any checks. There are no medals for “toughing it out.” If you find yourself struggling, please please get help. Thank you so much, Lindsey, for sharing and helping to raise awareness.
Libby
August 9, 2019 at 1:52 pmBless you for sharing this! I’m so sorry that you are dealing with this and for the loss of your friend. I dealt with this kind of anxiety for almost a year. It was hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Now, a few years later, I have learned to manage it and have not experienced panic attacks for so long. You are taking great steps to manage things. Now that I’m on the other side, I feel almost grateful for the difficult experience – it helped me find strength I didn’t know I had and I’ve been a resource to friends who go through similar anxious times. You will get there! It is so great that you are sharing – you will help so many.
Yvonne
August 9, 2019 at 1:52 pm❤️ thank you for sharing. MH has such stigma, sadly, and many of us suffer from depression and/or anxiety. I have depression but also developed PTSD symptoms in the last few years (anxiety and more), likely from some scary experiences I’ve had with my sweet 16yo daughter who has severe clinical anxiety and panic. We’re all in therapy. Therapy and openness/honesty/vulnerability and getting professional help and leaning on friends and family. We are not invincible and shouldn’t be expects to be. thank you for being so honest on your powerful platform.
Tina
August 9, 2019 at 2:01 pmThank you for going to this vulnerable place!!!! I’m sorry for your struggle but I also like knowing you are just human like the rest of us!!! Trauma from losing two close friends in my 20s has been with me for a long time and is very real! I have been in counseling for a few years and it has been lifesaving! I was then diagnosed with breast cancer and am currently separated from my husband. I am a mom of 3 and a business owner. I am thriving due to the work I’ve done with my counselor! I’m facing fears, being true to myself, and focusing on good relationships in my life!! I used to never be on any meds but I now thank God for them-they have saved my beautiful life!!!
Jamie
August 9, 2019 at 2:03 pmWhile I struggle with mild anxiety 24hrs a day (only a few panic attacks, but mostly just feeling sick to my stomach when my overactive brain gets the best of me), my world was rocked 2 years ago when my 10 year old daughter started suffering from severe anxiety. It was debilitating. She was so worried about everything, to the point where she was throwing up. Then she’d worry that eating would make her throw up, so she wouldn’t eat. In a weeks time (while on vacation in beautiful Colorado), she lost 10 lbs. She cried and worried. Every photo from that trip, a fake, tense smile. As soon as we returned home, we got her in to see a psychologist. She started doing better for a couple weeks, then BOOM! She hit rock bottom, crying almost all day. I couldn’t do anything productive, because I knew she’d come down upset about something, and I’d have to spend 30 minutes talking it over with her, trying to get her to use her coping techniques from her doctor. It was frustrating and exhausting and oh, so upsetting. We felt helpless for our poor kid. That’s when it was decided she needed medicine. It’s been nearly two years. Since she started taking Zoloft, and it’s been a world of a difference. She laughs when things are funny, she cries when things are sad. She’s a total goofball, weirdo (in the best way possible). She still feels, but the bad stuff doesn’t linger.
Eileen
August 9, 2019 at 2:09 pmYou are so brave to share this! I’m so sorry about your friend. I love your blog, pictures videos etc and had no idea you were going through this. I’m glad you’re talking about it. Hang in there and you’re doing a GREAT job! I hope you can be patient with yourself and give yourself time to heal. Xoxo
Karyn Smydra
August 9, 2019 at 2:12 pmThank you for sharing. You are not alone. While everyone suffers from anxiety, it does affect women more. For that reason, I highly suggest getting your hormone levels checked by someone who knows what they are doing as well. For more information, read (in all your spare time😜) The Female Brain by Louann Brizendine and It’s My Ovaries Stupid by Elizabeth Vliet. You are perfectly you and NOTHING about you is a mistake or wrong. This season in your life will make you more empathetic and find strength you never knew you had. Surround yourself with people who love and support you. You got this.
Anonymous
August 9, 2019 at 2:22 pmThanks for sharing this Lindsey! I’ve been battling anxiety on a daily basis, mainly work-based. It manifests itself differently in that it’s an underlying feeling of doom/failure/imagining what could go wrong/etc. It takes over my thoughts quite frequently. Sometimes all it takes is a reminder that we aren’t alone to help- so thank you!
Meghan
August 9, 2019 at 2:40 pmOh goodness, I am so sorry to hear this. I do know this exactly. The same episodes, then the fear of them hit me hard 10 years ago when 29 years old, 1st child was 4 months, and we had just moved and both taken new jobs. It is so awful. The medication and talking to people will help. Also, it helps to realize you aren’t alone and these experiences are so common and not unique to you. Will be praying for you!
Amanda
August 9, 2019 at 3:02 pmIt took me 3 years to work up the courage to see a psychiatrist….3 years! I have tried Zoloft, Lexapro, efflexor and Wellbutrin and the side effects have outweighed the benefits so far….anyone have any success with a different medication? I’m seeing a therapist, and it has helped but hasn’t stopped my panic attacks.
Julie
August 9, 2019 at 3:11 pmThank you for sharing. I agree that sharing and talking to others is key to navigating the wild world of mental health. I have struggled with anxiety (which has then led to depression) on and off for eight years and it was like one day I was fine and then one day I was overcome with anxiety and it was like anything I had ever experienced before. Now it just comes and goes in waves. I’ve found getting a handle on it with medicine when it gets to the no-turning-back point is key and then managing with coping mechanisms that work best for you for ongoing care are important. I appreciate you sharing your story and using your platform to help combat the stigma around mental health
Rachel
August 9, 2019 at 3:26 pmThank you for sharing this. I too suffer from anxiety and panic attacks. My anxiety started when I was in 4th or 5th grade, although at the time I had no idea why my stomach would hurt before I got to school every morning. This went on for years. It got more intense and I had anxiety about my anxiety when I went anywhere. To be honest, I’m not sure how I got through it but I did. After I had my son my anxiety got much worse. I finally went to see someone and they put me on Zoloft. I have been on it for a years now (my son is now 18). I still have anxiety but it’s much better now.
We are all human and all have some battle most don’t know about.
Again, thank you for sharing. It helps knowing other people have it too.
Denise Bay
August 9, 2019 at 3:56 pmFirst off, I want to send my condolences on losing your dear friend. Losing someone special in your life is so hard. I relate to your story. .I recognized my anxiety at the age of 11 and I’m thankful I had a family who was very supportive and understanding. When I had my son, I thought for the most part that I had my anxiety under control until he arrived. I had major anxiety set in from the moment he was born. If my husband took my son to the store with him, I would start to panic if they were gone for an extended about of time and automatically envisioned the worse. This still happens but not as bad. I have noticed that since all the mass shootings have taken place, I’m nervous about everything; sitting in a movie theatre, getting gas, buying groceries, and when I send my son off to school. I lost my mother a year ago very suddenly and that’s when everything came very unsettling in my life. However, I have awesome family and friends who are always by my side for whenever I need to talk or just scream. Noticing your symptom’s, knowing the right tools, having the right family and friends supporting you, along with medicine is key. It does get better and it sounds like you’re on the right track. Stay positive and keep reaching out. Thank you for sharing!!!!
Liz
August 9, 2019 at 3:58 pmThank you for sharing this. My son has severe anxiety-his began when he was only 6 and it was heartbreaking. His school almost called 911 when he had a panic attack there. He is on Zoloft now too and it has definitely helped, although we still go thru rough patches when he needs the dosage adjusted. He often says why me and I wish I was normal. In all other respects he’s just the best kid and it hurts to know he will a!ways have to deal with tbis. I’ve always been a worrier but now I’m conxtant!t scanning his moods and trying to help him with the strategies he’s worked on with his doctor. He is now 12 and I think maturity has helped, although he is now more conscious of being “different”. His doctors are the best though and always point out the upside (?) Of anxiety–he is so kind and empathetic.
Lauren King
August 9, 2019 at 4:14 pmThank you for sharing. You are definitely not alone in this. I needed this, especially right now. I live in Dayton, Oh, and I’m sure you have heard of the tragedy that just happened here last Saturday. Some days I’m at a point where I feel like I can’t even leave the house with my kids. Anxiety has definitely been higher than normal. It’s been hard not to focus on all the negative, but trying to remain positive in this crazy world.
Julia
August 9, 2019 at 4:17 pmI’ve dealt with this too. After my second child was born I was certain I had a lump in my throat that must be cancer. It took going to several doctors and tests for me to believe it was an anxiety attack giving me a physical symptom. I think as moms we carry so much on our shoulders. Keep talking to people and keep believing in yourself. Thanks for sharing!
Maria
August 9, 2019 at 4:49 pmI just felt like I was reading my life. It feels good in a weird way to know people are going through the same thing and then it makes you feel like you are not alone and crazy. Having someone to talk to that understands is very calming in itself. I’ve dealt with anxiety my whole life, just the normal kind of worries until one day I was driving and couldn’t breathe and drove myself to a walk in clinic for them to tell me I was having a Panic attack. That time I ended up on lexapro and it helped tremendously that I didn’t ever want to stop taking it. I finally weaned off when I got pregnant and never went back in it. Fast forward 5 years later and I had a miscarriage that sent me on a downward spiral but I was too scared to take any meds. (Even though they were amazing for me in the past) because that’s how anxiety works. I’ve been I. Therapy and live my therapist and am feeling much better with following her advice and just letting all of my feeling out in the open. I wish you to find strength in all of this and realize how strong this makes you in the end.
Jen
August 9, 2019 at 5:45 pmThank you for sharing your story. I have struggled with depression since the birth of my third child but I am not brave enough to talk about it with anyone but my husband and my mother. Thank you for being brave enough to know I’m not struggling alone and for letting me know it’s okay to share. Wishing you nothing but love and support!
Elizabeth
August 9, 2019 at 5:57 pmThank you so much for sharing. This was a beautiful post and just something that I needed to hear.
Amy
August 9, 2019 at 6:06 pmLove this bc I too have experienced anxiety recently after never having it before. Sharing this bc I know so many who need to hear this. Thankful for your honesty. ❤️
Deborah Penner
August 9, 2019 at 6:48 pmThanks for this, and yes I had serious panic attacks as a young woman. Saw a doctor and there was no heart attack or physical cause. The attacks disappeared when I started teaching full time. Now with retirement a few years away ( am your mom’s age ) and grandkids under age 10 the attacks have returned. Now instead of three little people to worry about there are 10! Self care and meds are important. As moms we often leave that to the last. Your blog really does cheer my day since you are much like my three adult kids. They live far from us and this keeps me in touch with their lifestyle too.
Levbacon
August 9, 2019 at 7:23 pmThank you for sharing this part of you. Mental illness is a lot more common than we think or know. My husband went through a similar situation. After suffering alone for several months, he reached out to a professional and got help. I believe it saved his life.
Julia
August 9, 2019 at 7:39 pmThank you, Lindsey. This is bravery. You hoped that your story would help someone. Well, it did. All will be well. With gratitude and respect, Julia
Sheila McWilliams
August 9, 2019 at 7:54 pmTo be honest, I never gave anxiety or panic attacks a second thought. Then in November of 2011, we lost our almost four year old son Cameron to a heart condition. w(e were aware of it. He was a patient of CHOP) He came in our room to go to the bathroom at midnight, my husband picked him up and he was gone. It was a living nightmare to say the least. A couple of weeks later I was getting what I now understand to be panic attacks. It would start at my feet and work its way up where I couldn’t breathe, would sweat, etc. On what would have been his 4th bday, I woke myself up because I was crying in my sleep. I called my doctor and she lovingly scolded me for waiting so long to come in. I was prescribed anti anxiety and anti depression meds which did a world of good. I was on them for over six months. Between that and grief counseling, I came a long way. We were also blessed with boy girl twins in Oct of 2014. Now I always empathize when I hear stories like yours. Thank you for sharing and thank you also for your page and cute pics. They always make my day. Wishing you the best, Sheila xo
Susan
August 9, 2019 at 8:18 pmI can relate to almost every word in this post! You are not alone and this is so normal, especially after a traumatic and life shaking event like a sudden death of someone close to you. I’ve dealt with anxiety my entire life and what works for me in managing it are: talking with someone consistently (I see a counselor once a week), taking great care of myself with proper nutrition and lots of exercise, keeping up with vitamin D, and meditation. And I always have water with me in case I feel an anxiety attack coming on. Drinking water seems to calm and center me again. My anxiety worsened after becoming a mom. But I manage it the best I can. This may be temporary for you! I wish you the best and thank you for sharing such a personal part of your life. xoxo
Reina
August 9, 2019 at 8:23 pmLove how brave you are. I just realized this summer that the blood sugar crashes I thought I was having for the last 15 years are full blown panic attacks. I’m learning to put myself first. And stopped watching the news!
Jenna
August 9, 2019 at 8:23 pmLindsey, thank you for being brave and for being real. Anxiety is scary and to be able to talk about it openly is so difficult in today’s society. Not sure why MH is so taboo because it’s so common! It sounds like you are doing better since May…keep doing all the things and fighting that fear inside of you. I have postpartum anxiety after having my son in February and know firsthand how terrifying a PA is. I had one while in labor- leaned on my hubby to help pull me out of it- which is my next huge point…if you can lean on your hubby for support, it helps immensely. Let him be your rock for a little while, as you get back to being you.❤️ Having a strong support system is everything. Also, very sorry to hear about the loss of your friend. Hope you’re feeling better soon. Let those sweet boys of yours ground you when you need it.
Sara
August 9, 2019 at 8:48 pmThank you for sharing. Anxiety and PTSD are real. I’ve suffered through both and found extreme relief from therapy, yoga, magnesium supplements and small dose of meds. I highly recommend finding a therapist trained in either EMDR or brainspotting. I’m a therapist myself and find the most success using brainspotting. I’m glad you found the help you needed! It can be a very lonely place.
SLB
August 9, 2019 at 8:55 pmI’m so sorry you’re going thru this but I can relate. We lost our son in June and I’ve started having panic attacks as a result. Just talked to my therapist about it today. It’s great that you have searched for the name of the problem and now working towards a solution. Wishing you the very best.
Mo
August 9, 2019 at 9:01 pmI am so sorry about your friend 💔
I will tell you that the death of my parents brought on my anxiety. I am an easy-going, go-with-the-flow kind of girl….always have been. So, after I lost my parents unexpectedly, a little more than a decade ago, it turned my world upside down. I started with those same symptoms. Racing heart and thoughts, couldn’t catch my breath… I ended up in the hospital convinced that I was having a heart attack. I finally sat down with my dr and talked things over with him. I turned to a lot of books, yoga, mantras, words of affirmation and meditation. That worked for me and anytime I find myself slipping into those same thoughts/feelings I bring myself back into those practices that helped me. Anxiety is a battle and looking back, I think I have always suffered from it but never knew what it was. I hope you find what works for you and know that talking about it really helps!
Stacie
August 9, 2019 at 9:12 pmIf I could heart this a million times I would. Have loved your blog and posts for a while but now I love them even more. It NEEDS to be talked about. And sometimes a perfect stranger is the best therapist….
Sunny
August 9, 2019 at 9:49 pmThank you for posting! I’ve sent this to my husband who is struggling with debilitating anxiety… thank you for making this real and something he (and sooooo many others) can relate to. Best wishes on your journey!
Xoxo
Brittany Meszaro
August 9, 2019 at 10:01 pmI have found my anxiety accelerating at the age of 51! We are not alone but we need resources to make changes without feeling alienated! I found the headspace app to be helpful and working out helps but it is amazing how certain moments can cause anxiety to spiral quickly! hang in there we all need to know we count on one another without judgement
Marie
August 9, 2019 at 10:24 pmThank you for sharing. So many people I know are going through this this year, it seems (myself included). Even my daughter who is 25 feels a lot of anxiety and depression. Hers may be postpartum, but very PTSD like. I will share this with her.
Currently reading a book called “The Body Keeps the Score” about brain and body in dealing with trauma. I’m finding it super good and insightful.
Kim
August 9, 2019 at 11:09 pmThanks for sharing. I used to have anxiety and I’m not sure how and when it disappeared. I always thought about the worse scenarios for my children it’s was exhausting. I once checked out the website for all the sex convicts in the neighbor convinced at one point everyone was on the list. (There were none on the list) I know this wasn’t healthy but hey I really cared about my kids. My kids are now graduated from college and doing extremely well in their jobs. I don’t regret all that worrying. We all made it though. Oh yeah there was some therapy along the way!
Meredith
August 10, 2019 at 7:47 amThanks for sharing your story and I’m sorry you are going through this and my condolences to you for the loss of your friend.
For the first time in my life I’m experience anxiety too, in a slightly different form but I do think opening up about it is a great first step. I hope you continue to heal and keep sharing, it’s a great platform for it.
Stephanie
August 10, 2019 at 7:52 amThank you for being brave enough to share your story. I have suffered (silently) with anxiety and felt the same as you – I couldn’t go back to the places I had attacks. Now as a mother of two I have become even more anxious. My 5 year old daughter suffers as well. And it is little things that can trigger something. Stay strong… my thoughts and prayers are with your friend’s children and family. The stress of losing a loved one unexpectedly takes time to recover from… 💖
KH
August 10, 2019 at 7:53 amThank you so much for opening this part of your life to us! Your story is almost the exact same to mine. Boom anxiety attack out of no where, while I was driving! Same Drs appointments, EKGs etc. I too was waiting for the diagnosis and a next step to fix it! Talking does help and I also have found a network of people who also deal with anxiety in many different ways and it’s been such a help. Keep talking about it and taking one day at a time!
Tama
August 10, 2019 at 8:23 amThank you for this honest post. Anxiety is real and prevalent and talking about it is so important. I appreciate your bravery in sharing your struggle. Wishing you continued good health as you navigate this mental health challenge.
Peggy
August 10, 2019 at 8:33 amThank you for sharing your story. I feel that we need to continue talking about anxiety, depression, and other mental illnesses in order to decrease the stigma and increase the knowledge. I struggle with self-diagnosed anxiety. It can present itself in different ways for me, depending on the situation. I wish you the very best.
Sally W
August 10, 2019 at 8:33 amSo very sorry for the loss of your friend. 💔
Thank you for sharing. I know I will appreciate and love your blog and posts even more.
I know that the older you get the more loss you’ll endure. Some sudden, some not so much. It makes you understand why so many people start to just deteriorate or drink or turn to drugs. Loss is so hard. But here’s the good news…it can make you appreciate today. And what you have. And the dumb little stuff…just is dumb little stuff. It’s like the great quote on a t-shirt I have: life is short. Take the trip. Buy the shoes. Eat the cake.
Ckc
August 10, 2019 at 8:45 amSo sorry about your friend, but glad you have found some answers to help you cope. I occasionally experience anxiety with stress. However, with exercise, talking with loved ones and self care I have found a balance that works for me. Thanks for your post, helps to know it’s so common among women. Wishing you good health!
Stacey Fitzgerald
August 10, 2019 at 9:18 amI have suffered with this as well. I have to say that the medication DOES help. I am not a pill popper for headaches but I feel that I do need this drug to live a semi normal life. I am a bit older than you and will say it gets easier but never completely goes away. Stay strong, look at your gorgeous kids and know if you need to talk or meditation to feel better, it’s completely normal!
I love reading your blogs and if you every need to talk, I am a great listener!
Jenny
August 10, 2019 at 9:24 amThank you for sharing your story. I also suffer from anxiety that I experienced off and on throughout my life, but increased significantly with having kids. I also suffer from seasonal depression which contributes to more anxiety in the winter months. Exercise helps a lot, but medication keeps me more relaxed in the daily situations, as well as CBD nightly to help me sleep. I really appreciated the analogy you shared about walking behind your children with an umbrella, but it’s not raining. Spot on. That is me too. Hang in there Mama and keep doing what you do because I love following you!
DawnS
August 10, 2019 at 9:25 amSo glad your doctor called it PTSD because that is what it is. Medication is a great tool to help work through difficult realities and emotions. Counseling is very beneficial too. Talk therapy is great, but EMDR could be very helpful after the loss of your friend (your trauma). You can google the term or I would be glad to explain the process if you are interested. Glad you are already feeling better! Thanks for courageously sharing!
Ankita
August 10, 2019 at 9:31 amHi Lindsey,
I applaud you courage that you opened up about something so personal. Unfortunately there is so much stigma about mental health issues that it’s hard for people to open up about this. I have myself faced anxiety attacks (graduate school days). The therapy sessions helped immensely. So does meditation.
Love,
Ankita
Diana DeVaul
August 10, 2019 at 9:46 amYou experienced a devastating loss when your close friend passed. I’m so sorry for this. You live a big, beautiful, busy life. Anxiety manifests physically (at least in my experience) sometimes when we have unprocessed grief or other emotions that get buried under the busy-doings of life. It is trying to get our attention so we have the opportunity to slow down and heal. It’s all very normal and sharing your experience is a stepping stone on your path to wholeness. It takes courage to ask for help. I’m grateful you are finding tools and resources to help you get on track. I am on my own healing journey and thank you for sharing yours. Be kind to yourself along the way. It isn’t easy but sometimes the greater the fall, the higher the rise. I, too, am waiting for the rise. I’m grateful you are on your way up.
Stacey Grant
August 10, 2019 at 10:20 amYou are such an inspiration Lindsey. I had tears in my eyes reading your blog post and now these comments. The death of my father almost killed me. I worked really hard to alleviate the debilitating PTSD anxiety that happened afterwards. I would sit in the parking lot of the grocery store for an hour before I got the courage to go in and shop for food. It was ridiculous. But so real. And I also realized that I struggled with anxiety without knowing what it was for my whole life. Now I find myself saying, “Wow! I feel so good!! This is what it is like NOT having anxiety.” LOL. It’s freedom. More people need to talk about mental illness and stress. It is just as symptomatic and troubling as any health issue or disease. But people just don’t talk about it. Your vulnerability is your very best feature. Love you. xo Stacey
Danielle
August 10, 2019 at 10:29 amThank you for sharing your story. I really needed to read that. We almost lost my son this year and I am just not myself anymore. I wish I was as brave as you to talk about it. I hope you continue to get well.
Leah Crouse
August 10, 2019 at 10:30 amI just wanted to say that you are one awesome lady! Bravo for being bold and sharing your experience. Anxiety is no joke, my Mom suffered with anxiety and worry for years untreated. I am so glad you sought help, and thank you for being so real! I know this will impact others and hopefully help them be bold for themselves.💛
Lo
August 10, 2019 at 10:58 amThank you for taking off the rose colored glasses and sharing your experience. You are not alone. Ive had anxiety on and off for years and after I had my 3rd child I decided that it it was time to really tackle my symptoms again. Ive been on Wellbutrin and Effexor for 2 years now and its life changing. I feel like myself, and Im not shaming myself that this is what I need to feel good and have a solid baseline. You sharing your experience is so brave, and will help someone who is questioning themselves this moment. I appreciate your blog for many things, but now i love it even more for this personal and real connection your sharing!!
Tricia
August 10, 2019 at 11:13 amYou are so brave to open up about this. I truly appreciate reading your words. My irrational fears began the moment my children were born. I fear for them and I fear that I may not be here for them. It does help to hear one another’s stories and to talk openly about this. It helps me to realize that I am not alone in my personal struggle and it serves to remind me that there are coping mechanisms. Best wishes to you.
Tiffany Spector
August 10, 2019 at 12:45 pmIt takes so much strength and courage to share this. Thank you! You absolutely made the right decision in getting your health checked out! Even though it wasn’t physical, you should always trust your gut and see a second doc if you feel like you have more unanswered questions. Good for you for taking care of yourself! As moms we so often put that off. Hope each day gets a little easier!
Amanda
August 10, 2019 at 12:54 pmSo relatable for so many people and families. Thanks for putting this out there.
Krista
August 10, 2019 at 1:30 pmThank you for sharing. I have a child with anxiety and depression. It manifests in so many different ways and it is so much easier to address when we can be open and talk about it.
Jessie D
August 10, 2019 at 2:08 pmThank you for posting this. I am going through this as well. Talk is good especially among other women. What I’ve experienced is talking to women that are older than you is the best. They have the experience, been there done that kinda thing that they can advise you the best thing to do. Hang in there.
Morgan Avant
August 10, 2019 at 2:22 pmThank you so much for sharing. It is easy to look at someone else’s life from the outside and think how easy they have it and never realize that they are suffering the same way you are. I’ve always loved your happy personality but your honesty on this topic just makes me love you even more!!
Lauren
August 10, 2019 at 3:17 pmI have a rough summer as well struggling with anxiety. The way your psychiatrist described you walking with an umbrella on a Sunny day fits me perfectly….always waiting on the rain. Thank you for being so open and honest about your struggles.
Ann
August 10, 2019 at 3:19 pmThank you for sharing this beautiful post. Sometimes it feels isolating to feel this way and you so gracefully articulate something that is really hard to put into words.
Ann
August 10, 2019 at 5:26 pmHugs to you, Lindsey. I love your blog (and you) even more now!
Libby
August 10, 2019 at 7:40 pmYou are a strong woman for putting yourself out there.
You have a LOT going on and are juggling a lot. Thank you for sharing.
Alison McGovern
August 10, 2019 at 9:50 pmThank you for sharing, we are all human and leaning on one another is how we get by. I often feel anxious and overwhelmed and i thank you for your honesty. Wishing you so much love and support. Xo
Monica
August 11, 2019 at 7:37 pmI’ve experienced a very similar situation about two years ago. My anxiety presented this itself just like yours…out of nowhere panic attacks. My fear of being out alone with my kids and having one was so intense that I stopped wanting to do anything outside my home. I finally saw a therapist and got on medication. Thank you for speaking publicly about this horrible illness. We need to talk about it to educate others dealing with it. If left untreated it will control your day-to-day life.
Julie
August 11, 2019 at 9:20 pmThank you for sharing. ❤❤❤
Pooja
August 11, 2019 at 10:17 pmThanks for sharing with us!Yes you are right talking about our problems or thoughts bothering us is a great way to tackle the anxiety!I have been close to my dad after my mom
Passed away.I talk to him about almost everything that keeps me thinking or disturbed.I also have couple of friends with whom I can talk my heart out and relax.We all have anxiety issues and we are all strong to deal with them!Being surrounded by the people one loves,sharing ones thought or concerns with them can really be of great help!
Stephanie
August 12, 2019 at 1:10 pmThank you for sharing! I remember my first anxiety attack like it was yesterday (when in reality it was more like 13 years ago) and I had NO IDEA what was going on, except that it was so scary. I spent years afterwards doing things like yoga, meditating, exercising…..but I found that when I was able to voice what I was going through to whomever was around that I trusted, it helped ease the symptoms so much. The more I talked, the better I got, and I realized that I really wasn’t alone -it’s amazing so share stories with people and be able to connect when you feel like everything around you is crumbling. Hugs! 🙂
Rebecca
August 13, 2019 at 8:38 amYou’re awesome! This is a lifestyle blog right?? This is the life part. Thanks for being brave and sharing!
nicole salazar
August 13, 2019 at 1:06 pmI’m so sorry – I would not wish anxiety/panic disorder on anyone – it is just as you said, debilitating. Reading this post I was nodding yes yes yes the entire time because I have experienced all of that as well. Medication while not believed in by everyone, gave me my life back! I hope that you continue to feel better every day.
Karen
August 13, 2019 at 5:22 pmLongtime reader, first time commenting. Just wanted to thank you for bravely sharing and let you know you are not alone! Sending hugs 🤗
sue
August 15, 2019 at 11:42 amI was blown away by your openess and honesty in this pos – so brave. I’m sorry you had to go through such an awful time – anxiety is the worst. Continue to heal!
Andi
August 17, 2019 at 9:59 amThanks for sharing! I feel like I could have written this word for word about my story! Except mine is currently going on 6 months! I just wondered, did you have bad side effects when first starting the meds? Thanks!